How do you know when you're grown up? Is it when people stop asking you what you want to be? One of the first things I wanted to be was an only child - no hand-me-down's, no sharing, no comparing, no competition.Then I realized if I didn't have siblings, I wouldn't have anyone to share the blame.
From the age of ten I wanted to be a writer. I wrote the wordiest essays in fifth grade, which inspired my teacher to teach me about editing. The next thing I wanted to be was grown up; and when I was a teenager, I was sure I'd accomplished that.
Although I'd stopped expecting Prince Charming to rescue me from dragons a long time before, in my twenties I wanted him to rescue me from my life. Who knew Prince Charming would have his own problems? Who knew glass slippers could cause bunions?
Next I wanted to be a mother, so I read books - lots of books. Pick the baby up when he cries because a baby can never have too much love or don't pick the baby up because you'll spoil him. A slap on the hand teaches a toddler not to touch the stove; but no, slapping is physical abuse. Working teaches teenagers responsibility, but being a teenager is enough work.
The only rule I was sure about as a mother was the Golden Rule. Maybe one of life's rules is to keep growing up - to keep following your heart. No, I could follow my heart forever; but I'd never be a singer. I can't lift my voice two octaves, which explains why I can't carry a tune. Sometimes wanting isn't enough. In fact, I think my husband enclosed our shower because of my singing.
When I was a child and said I wanted something, my grandmother would ask what I'd trade to have it in my next life. I could trade a few IQ points without walking into walls. I could trade an inch of height and wear higher heels. I wonder if I could trade being a blond even though I'm not really one. No, if I came back as a singer, I'd be a sewing machine.
What it comes down to is I don't want to grow up. I want to keep growing by trying new things. I want to be Peter Pan and I want to fly!
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