For a couple of days there, it seemed like the scary stuff was behind you. You had asked that cute girl out, she had said yes, and you had found yourself wrapped up in rosy visions of kissing, canoodling and her laughing wildly at your jokes.
And then you realized. Jokes. Conversation. The most intimidating part is yet to come: you've got a first date to go on and you don't know what to say.
Suddenly you're scared of uncomfortable silences. You've convinced yourself you'll offend her with every word you utter and the only sentence she'll be saying is, "Sorry, I've got to go."
Well, calm yourself down. That isn't going to happen.
You see, I know how to make first date conversation - and I'm about to share my secrets with you.
The first trick is to act calm and comfortable even when you're not. This isn't hard to do. Keep your hands still and your body turned towards her. Lean back a little, make eye contact and give her a genuine smile. Every so often, ask yourself if your shoulders feel stiff, and if the answer is yes, consciously relax them.
Now that you're sitting comfortably, it's time to think about what you could say.
Start by paying her a compliment. Admiring her slinky top or her striking necklace will instantly boost her confidence and help to put her at ease.
If you don't know her well, start with a little small talk. Find out what she does for a living and how she spends her free time. Ask if she has ever been to this venue before and whether she has lived locally all her life. Quickly covering the basics will get you both used to talking to each other and will give you points to refer back to later in the night.
Remember that this is your chance to portray yourself in a positive way, so keep the tone light and your comments optimistic. Listing all the things that get you down will make you appear negative and unfriendly so resist any urges to complain about work, worry about money or criticize the bar staff.
It's important to show a real interest in your date, so ask plenty of open ended questions about the things that she enjoys. Enthusing about her hobbies and ambitions will put her in a great mood and she'll start to associate that happiness with you.
Never interrupt her when she's speaking. It's rude and shows a lack of interest in what she's thinking. Instead, wait your for turn to talk, and then give upbeat but honest answers to anything she asks you. Don't feel that you have to agree with her opinions, but avoid becoming strident or aggressive when presenting your own point of view.
If conversation seems to be drying up at any point, a great way to revive it is with hypothetical questions. Ask what she would do if she won a million dollars, where she would love to live in the future or what sort of superhero power she would like.
Remember that she is just as anxious to impress you as you are to be a hit with her, and accept that every first date has awkward moments. Your aim should be not to fill every second with scintillating conversation, but to find common points of interest and to put each other at ease. So relax, enjoy yourself and you could be pleasantly surprised by how the night turns out.
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