People who are codependents usually go full stop or full speed ahead. They never have any moderator and to a large degree codependency symptoms are about extremes.
It is either low self-esteem or high self-esteem for people who are involve in a dysfunctional relationship such as codependency. Low self-esteem happens when you believe that you are not as worthy as the other people and that your thoughts and feelings do not count. High self-esteem on the other hand manifests itself to certain individuals who feel that they are superior, and those who are arrogant. In either case, self-esteem is usually developed within the family, in other words this happens during the growing up period, and through modeling family behavior.
Another symptom is when an individual is not capable of setting realistic, functioning boundaries. During childhood our parents usually taught us regarding boundaries, it is always set by them to better guide us. If we have grown up with a family of poor boundaries, then we will not be able to set proper boundaries for ourselves. There are number of purposes served by establishing boundaries, they can offer us protection from other people, from ourselves, and they can help us find out who we really are in this world. People with too rigid boundaries will find themselves to be alone and isolated behind the wall. While people with too little or no boundaries are the people who usually gets taken advantage of or victimized.
It is difficult for codependents to know who they
really are. They do not have the ability to see themselves in reality both mentally and physically. Their interpretations of thoughts are often altered as well as their ability to share them. It is difficult for them to own, identify, and regulate their emotions. Another side of this is that they are living in a fantasy or coming up with an alter ego.
These types of persons have a problem in defining needs and wants as well as meeting them. Some of them may be able to identify their needs and wants but the problem is they do not know how to get them. They may expect other people to meet their needs for them.
Lastly, a codependent person has difficulty in expressing himself and knowing what normal is. Moderation to them is nonexistent. They swing like a pendulum from one side to another, from extreme to another extreme, completely involved or completely indifferent, and ecstatic to miserable. They never understand the phrase 'enough is enough'. They have difficulty in understanding what normal is because they have no past experience to base it to, in other words, they never have someone portrayed normal for them while they were growing up.
If you sum up all the symptoms, one common denominator appears which is growing up being exposed to a dysfunctional family upbringing. This is certainly not the only major cause here but the child's development is largely influenced by the family and the environment that he grows up with.
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